Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Sad Panda

I'm not sure what it is, it could be many things in fact, but I am just not feeling as joyous and happy as I imagine a newlywed should be. Since I don't have my best friend's or mom's shoulder to cry on...I turn to you blog world.

Hopefully I will bust out of my bad mood in the next couple days, but for now I will wallow in my sorrow and laundry list all the bad things that are bugging me lately:

  • This past week Alson got in touch with a couple incoming students that had already moved to the area. We have all been hanging out a lot in the last week, which actually has been fun. However, there is only one other married couple, and usually towards the end of the night the married people and single people differ on what they would like to do and the places they would like to go. I guess this is normal, but it is just hitting me that things are different now. Not necessarily a bad thing, just different.

  • Alson got his orientation schedule the other day, and it is literally jam packed with different events from morning to late night. Sure it is only five days, but after that, classes start, and he will likely have a similarly packed schedule. It made me (finally) realize that law school is going to monopolize his time more than I had previously thought (I guess I was kidding myself), and as much as we want to live a normal married life....we probably won't. Advice from Britni, who was in my situation last year, entailed finding lots of hobbies and keeping myself just as busy as Alson. I am trying to find things I like to do, but I've been having difficulty fathoming doing fun things alone all the time. Sure, I like to read, scrapbook, bead, sew, be crafty, blog, and the like....but the thought of sitting in my apartment every night doing some form of arts and crafts makes me feel pathetic. It makes me miss my mom and my BFF...the two people I used to do crafty stuff with. (Sorry for my poor grammer, I'm not in the mood to correct my sentence structure.)

  • Many of the law school's evening events this week and weekend are supposedly spouse friendly, so I was planning on accompanying Alson to a few. Last night I went to a dinner/happy hour/hangout that was organized by the students so they could all meet up before orientation starts (in other words NOT law school sponsored, in fact it was orchestrated through facebook). After being there for maybe 10 minutes, this girl came up to me and said "So are you going to come to all the law school events? Because if you do people will think you go to law school." Umm, excuse me? I literally was speechless. Now, I had met this girl on Sunday at a brunch because she came with another incoming student we have been hanging out with the last week (see a previous bullet). The brunch was in no way related to law school, in fact we brought one of Alson's college friends that visited us for the weekend, because it was just a get together with friends. At the brunch I could tell that she was a little pompous and condescending towards me, but I figured I will be meeting a lot of people like that over the next three years, and I could tolerate it. What she said to me last night, however, was downright rude. (Right? Or am I overreacting?) After that comment I decided to leave, partially because I could feel the tears welling in my eyes and I didn't want to cause a scene, and also because I just didn't feel welcome there. I convinced Alson to stay so that he could save face and make the best of the event, even though I know he felt terrible and really wanted to leave with me. Honestly, I needed the time alone to just be upset. So I walked the 15 or so blocks back home less than 15 minutes after walking to the event. About an hour later Alson came home and assured me that the girl was just being a snot and I had every right to be there, but still.... The damage is done. Bottom line: I now do not feel comfortable going to any of the events.

  • I haven't been sleeping well lately. Last night I woke up at 2:00am, tossed and turned for an hour, finally got out of bed at 3:15am, and sat in the living room wide awake. I also felt sick to my stomach, which could be attributed to last night's fiasco, or the fact that I am nervous about starting my internship tomorrow. I eventually went back to bed to try and get some sleep, which leads to my next bullet....

  • Because neither of us slept well (I kept Alson up with my tossing and turning and then by not being in bed), we missed the chance (i.e. slept late) to move my car to the opposite side of our street for street cleaning this morning and got a ticket. Boo!

  • As I said before, I start my internship tomorrow. I am nervous and anxious because it is new and therefore scary, I will be meeting the seven other interns and my two supervisors, learning new laws and regulations, will have to acclimate to new schools, etc. etc. etc. You know, all the things that come with every new job.
Okay, enough about all the bad things. Any advice or tips on how to get out of this slump?


  1. Aww I'm so sorry. I told you if you need someone to hang out with (I even like to do crafty stuff and am married) that I'm always up for doing things. Richie is going to be pretty busy this year too (classes and law review) so I'm still trying to find other things to do. I've actually never hung out with any of the girls at law school events because they mostly come off like you said as a little rude and arrogant. I think it's a law school thing, ha. I hope it gets better... it will go by really fast I promise!

  2. i don't really have any good advice for this. it'll pass. i know with myself i go through definite cycles where i feel like this and then i'm elated for the following time until i feel all dumpy again.

    neither M nor myself have been sleeping well either, not sure what it is. i'm just chalking it up to the change in weather and ... i dunno. all i know is it's not just me and that alone makes me feel better.

    lastly, that girl is a twit. i'm assuming she's younger also. is she pretty too? because it's usually a girl who feels threatened by another pretty girl that will say such things. if i were you i'd go to whatever events you want. who cares what she thinks... she obviously doesn't speak for everyone. and next time you see her at an even just smile and wave.

  3. Girl, I think times of transition are always tough, and for me they always bring a little bit of depression. You're probably also coming off of a bit of a high from the wedding/honeymoon. It sounds perfectly normal to me.

    I have a LOT of friends who are in or totally finished with law school, some that were married. They say the first month or so is the toughest as the law students get settled into classes and the workload and making friends and study buddies. I really think that all of your concerns over the law school stuff are valid, but I think in a month or two it just won't be an issue anymore. Law students are typically good at balancing priorities, and my married law school friend always tried hard to get most of her stuff done during the day so that she could spend evenings with her hubby. It didn't ALWAYS work out, but a lot of the time it did... and he had other friends that he made through his job that he'd hang with on nights she needed to study more or something.

    I'm sure this will all pass as you both get more settled into your life. You're both going through a lot of change individually and separately. That always calls for a time of adjustment.

    I don't know how helpful I'm being, but I'm just trying to say I think it's normal to be a little blue right now but that it'll probably pass. And you've got plenty of blogging pals out here to love on you!

  4. Oh my god hon, I'm so sorry you're going through this tough time. That girl at the law school thing was definitely being a b*tch, plain and simple.
    When I went to Europe in May with Jon's MBA program, there was a girl in his class who treated me much in the same way, very condescending and said stuff to me like, "oh, Jon has to babysit his wife".
    I'm a bit of a firecracker, so I gave it right back to her. Keep going to those law school events and try to ignore her. Really, she's not worth your time.
    Also, I just signed up for a cake baking class and a bread baking class in Fairfax County (where we live). I get bored with Jon being in class two nights a week so I thought it would be fun to go out and take some interesting classes. Maybe they offer them in DC too?

  5. Enjoy your first day of internship! After the kids show up you won't have time to be bored.

    Als, look into the adult kickball league in Washington DC (it sounds cheesy but it's super fun and you drink during the games).. I play in annapolis and it's so much fun. It's how I met my boyfriend and most of my friends now. Plus, most people don't play as a couple so it will keep you busy and will allow you to branch out.

  6. WOW. Okay, listen. I know YOU already know that this girl was being a snotty bitch. But there's not way you should've felt like you had to leave, and you MOST DEFINITELY shouldn't let this stop you from attending events like this in the future.

    I have a female friend who's in law school in CA, and her husband goes to those things with her ALL THE TIME. He's never made to feel like he shouldn't be there, and neither should you. You're going to get to know all of those people very soon, and...hello! Of course they're going to know that you're a "wife" and not a "student." But you have just as much right to be there as Ms. Snottypants.


  7. This is coming from the mouth of the BFF mentioned- you win at life. Always remember that. I have been where you are right now a few times. I know it's not the same situation, but if you remember that one simple line, I think it can help you through it. Trust me, you know where I have been, and that kind of attitude got me through it.
    I wish that I could be there for you, more than anything. To be honest, I am bumming big time that I don't have you with me to experience a new place, I wish we could do all this together. But, maybe someday...
    As for that girl, forget about it. I have problems like these with Matt's friends, they are downright mean to me. I try to not let it bother me but it does, so keep your head up, you are better than her. You win at life.

  8. Oh, and good luck on your first day!

  9. Oh honey, I actually started crying a little during this post. I hve also been a Sad Panda the last few days, my ultimate low was last night where I sobbed hysterically to my best friend for an hour. My biggest problem was I felt so completely alone in my sadness, so in a sick and possibly twisted way this post makes me feel less alone, and less sad. I hope you get out of this slump soon, and I hope you get the chance to punch that snotty law girl in the nose.


  10. I'm sorry you're feeling down! I'm going to echo some sentiments here and agree that the law school girl is a total twit! Don't let that get you down.

    I agree - finding hobbies is a good thing, but I also think once you get in the groove with the internship you'll look forward to going home and chilling out. Um...really good fall tv is going to start soon?!

  11. Jackie! I am sooooo late on this post so you are (hopefully) no longer sad, but, 2 things:

    Yes being a law school spouse will be hard, but even though that girl made you feel upset, I would try again to get to know some of this classmates. Not necessarily that girl, but in general it will be easier if you know the people he is spending a lot of time with, and vice versa, ya know?

    And two, I will do crafty things with you! My DC BFF and I love crafty projects and are always happy to rope others into our antics. We could also grab dinner one night after work or something? let me know if you're up for it? (no pressure!)