Stickers

When I test a student, especially a young one, I always reward them with stickers. This afternoon I tested a kindergartener and gave him one of my huge badge stickers that says "I did my best!" because he worked really hard for over an hour. That is like eternity for a 6 year old. When I brought him back to his classroom and he walked through the door, there was a collective "wooooooah" from his classmates when they saw his sticker. He then told me he was never taking the sticker off. It was so fricken cute.







Wouldn't it be awesome if stickers still made us feel that special? Ahhh, to be a kid again.

Quick Update

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

The interview went really well today. I felt like I answered all the questions well and that I was able to tie my answers into my experience. I definitely gave real life examples/answers instead of book answers. The chair of the committee told me that they are planning to do call back interviews next week. She also asked about my availability next week and mentioned that they wanted to be accommodating since I'm still living in DC. I think that's a good sign! She said there are two or three other candidates they'd like to call back though, so I'm still nervous.

I have many other things I want to write about, but I am so exhausted and am going to hop into bed as soon as I eat dinner. Interviewing AND traveling tires this girl out!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Let's take a ride on my emotional roller coaster, shall we?

We closed on our house on Friday, May 6th. Getting the keys and stepping foot in our house was very exciting. We spent the weekend completing projects and made a lot of progress on the house. I cannot WAIT to move in for good.


I attended Mother's Day brunch last Sunday, and I am really glad that I did. It was difficult at the time, but the few pangs I felt were totally worth it. I was able to spend time with my grandmother, which ended up being very important, because she passed away unexpectedly on Wednesday at the age of 77. After brunch she (and the rest of my family) came over to our new house and we gave her the grand tour. She was so happy for us and called all seven of her sisters afterward. They all told me about her calls at her wake on Friday. Her death was very shocking and I miss her so much already. She was the most wonderful, caring lady and a joy to everyone that knew her. We did not take any pictures at Mother's Day brunch and I am so upset about that. I can't remember the last time our picture was taken. Here she is with my grandfather, father, and brother on my wedding day and one of AJ and me with all of my grandparents:


After attending my grandmother's funeral on Saturday, AJ and I drove back to DC so that we could attend his law school graduation on Sunday. It was very difficult to leave NY and switch emotional gears, but we did, and we enjoyed the day as best we could. I am so proud of my husband and all that he has accomplished in the last three years.

While we were in NY, I received phone calls for two interviews in two different school districts in NY. I am flying back to NY tomorrow night for my first interview on Wednesday morning. I am really hoping to land this job. It is in the town next to where we will be living and in the same town as AJ's law firm. The other interview is next Friday, also known as moving day in this household. We haven't quite figured out how we are going to fanangle that, but somehow we will make it work. Best case scenario...I land the first job and don't even need to interview in the other district. Fingers and toes crossed!

So that is my life in a nutshell. You understand why I haven't posted in a while now, right?

Thoughts About Mother's Day

Yesterday my mom asked me if we'd like to go to brunch at the country club on Sunday since we'll still be in town. I said yes, not realizing that it is the Mother's Day brunch. (I've been a tad aloof lately. Perhaps it's my brain's way of protecting me...) Later this evening, once I figured out that it was the Mother's Day brunch, I started freaking out. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it right now. I've been to this brunch many times and I know what it entails. At the end of the meal, the servers bring flowers to all of the mothers at the table. It's a nice gesture...until you desperately want the flowers and you know you aren't getting any. Needless to say, I'm afraid I'm going to start crying and/or need to excuse myself.

As I sat thinking about the brunch all night, I tried analyzing what I'm so upset about. Yes, I'm grieving my losses, but I'm also upset that I'm not yet a mother when I know that I was supposed to be one sometime this week.

This brings up an interesting point that I saw mentioned on the Miscarriage Memories facebook page. Do you consider yourself a mother if you have miscarried? The majority of people that responded to the post said yes, it doesn't matter that your baby (or babies) died before birth, you're a mother if you have miscarried. My immediate thought is no, I'm not a mother. However, when I spoke of my first miscarriage (I haven't had much of a chance to speak of my second miscarriage or both) I often used the phrase "my baby". Don't you have to be a mother to have a baby? My babies aren't here in my arms, but they did at one time exist.

I'm not about to tell our server at the club that I am a mother, but maybe Mother's Day wouldn't be so hard for me if I thought of myself as a mother.

It's Almost Closing Day

There is nothing like a good cry. Or the blog/twitter world. Your comments, tweets, emails, and texts have lifted me up like you wouldn't believe. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don't know why this is happening to us, but I have to believe there is a plan for our family and someday it will all make sense.

Let's talk about something more exciting, shall we? We are tentatively scheduled to close on Friday afternoon. We are just waiting for the bank to choose a location for the closing. Ahh! I can't believe it is finally here. I am excited and nervous and still a little apprehensive (even though I know deep down that we will fill those rooms someday). I just want to sign the papers and have the keys in my hand!

The weather on Saturday is supposed to be beautiful, so we are planning to start tackling our to-do list right away. Here are the things on our to-do list for the weekend:

Paint the green wall in the living room
Paint the pink bedroom
Paint the wood trim and window frame in the living room
Power wash the siding
Spray paint the shutters
Paint the front door

We still have not decided on paint colors for the living room wall or pink bedroom, but we have some ideas so I will share them later today or tomorrow. I would love some input!

As for the door, does anyone have suggestions on tackling this project? Types of paint, best process, etc.? I am not sure what kind of door it is (wood or metal), so I probably need to figure that out before I decide what paint to use.

Sinking in

It's starting to sink in. I was definitely in shock the past two days. Now I'm really starting to breakdown. I got into bed tonight and just cried and cried. Why is this happening to me? I'm young, I'm healthy, and I'm a good person. The whole situation just is cruel and unfair.

Also, I'm freaking out about the house. Should we really be buying a three bedroom house if we might not be able to fill it? All I can think of are the two bedrooms that are supposed to be for our children.

I hate that I am being so dramatic, but I can't help how I feel right now.

It happened again.

I miscarried this morning.

I didn't even know I was pregnant this time. We weren't trying, but we weren't being careful either. I took a HPT two weeks ago since I thought there was a chance I might be pregnant, but it was negative, and I got what I thought was my period a couple days later. Then my parents came to visit, we got distracted by everything with the new house, and I got emotionally wrapped up in my first miscarriage. I never gave being pregnant a second thought.

This morning, when I realized that what I was experiencing seemed suspiciously like a miscarriage, I took another pregnancy test and it was positive. I then proceeded to have a mental breakdown because I was shocked, confused, and overcome with grief. Once I calmed down, we called my doctor and told her what was happening. We all knew it wasn't looking good, so she told us to go to the ER to have everything checked out. They confirmed my suspicions. I was six weeks pregnant and was miscarrying.

It all happened so fast. I woke up super early to watch the Royal Wedding and had a pretty normal morning until I went to get in the shower. The next thing I know, I am sitting in the same perinatal office where I found out I was going to miscarry the first time. I hate that place. I am never going back there ever.

Everything is very different this time around. I didn't have a chance to get attached to the idea of being pregnant, having a baby, etc. I am sad and upset, but I am mostly overcome with anxiety because there is a greater possibility that there is something "wrong" with one or both of us. Hopefully we can now get some testing done and figure out what to do next.

In the mean time, this sucks.

Feeling Better

Thank you all for your kind words yesterday. I am feeling much better today and am hopeful that I'll experience a good balance of grief and acceptance these next two weeks. I don't want to wallow in sorrow, but I also don't want to completely disregard my feelings. I'm just praying I don't have any more meltdowns!

On a happier note, our land survey was completed today so we should be able to officially schedule our closing! I got really excited last night and started packing a bin with all the stuff we will need to stay in the house next weekend. A set of sheets, towels, and cleaning supplies are ready to go! We aren't moving out of out current place until the end of May, so we bought an air mattress to sleep on for the few days we are in NY. We also hope that our sectional will be ready and that it can be delivered while we are up there. If not, we'll survive, but it would be great if we had something to sit on!

In other exciting news, my NY certification finally went through! There still aren't any jobs in any of the school districts surrounding our new town (with the exception of a .4 position), but hopefully something will pop up by August. At least I can now be seriously considered without any caveats! I did apply to the .4 position though. If I was offered the position I would take it, but I'd obviously prefer a full time job.

Ahh, life. Why must everything always be completed? I'm just trying to remind myself that everything happens for a reason and it will all work out in the end. Wise (and cheesy) words to live by.

Talk about a 180

All the happiness I felt yesterday has gone flying out the window. It is only noon and I already want to go home, crawl into bed, and cry. Nothing particularly awful has happened, but a bunch of little things have...

I forgot my keys to my office, then I couldn't even use my office because another person was in there testing kids, then I got a rejection email for a job I really wanted, then I found out I have a meeting this afternoon that I was not notified about, and then I dropped an m&m on my white jeans. Why is it so hard holding in tears at work? Ugh.

I have been feeling especially sensitive the last couple days. I think it is because my due date is next week and I can't help but be emotional about everything again. I was hoping that the pending closing and excitement of buying a house would overshadow my due date, but in reality it is just giving me another thing to stress about. I know it is normal to experience grief again, but I still don't like it. Grumble, grumble.

Happy Monday!

Happy Monday, friends! There is nothing like a day off to make a Monday more enjoyable.

Spring break ended up being pretty busy, so I am very happy that I have an extra day off today. I had to work Monday through Thursday to get a few non-instructional days in, so it really has been more of a spring break long weekend than a true spring break. Better than nothing though! My mom came down last Monday to help us start packing and then my dad flew down on Friday, so we have had a full house for what seems like forever. I love my parents, but it is tough hosting people for an extended period of time. I can't wait until we live in the same town so that we can see them more frequently for shorter periods of time.

This weekend we celebrated AJ finishing law school. He had his last final on Friday afternoon! I can't believe law school is over...it hasn't really sunken in yet. These three years were stressful for both of us, but we survived. I am so proud of him for not only doing well in school, but also for finding a great home/school/work balance. I never really felt like a law school widow and I am so grateful for that! Now the countdown to the bar begins. Ahhhhhh!