Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Thoughts About Mother's Day

Yesterday my mom asked me if we'd like to go to brunch at the country club on Sunday since we'll still be in town. I said yes, not realizing that it is the Mother's Day brunch. (I've been a tad aloof lately. Perhaps it's my brain's way of protecting me...) Later this evening, once I figured out that it was the Mother's Day brunch, I started freaking out. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it right now. I've been to this brunch many times and I know what it entails. At the end of the meal, the servers bring flowers to all of the mothers at the table. It's a nice gesture...until you desperately want the flowers and you know you aren't getting any. Needless to say, I'm afraid I'm going to start crying and/or need to excuse myself.

As I sat thinking about the brunch all night, I tried analyzing what I'm so upset about. Yes, I'm grieving my losses, but I'm also upset that I'm not yet a mother when I know that I was supposed to be one sometime this week.

This brings up an interesting point that I saw mentioned on the Miscarriage Memories facebook page. Do you consider yourself a mother if you have miscarried? The majority of people that responded to the post said yes, it doesn't matter that your baby (or babies) died before birth, you're a mother if you have miscarried. My immediate thought is no, I'm not a mother. However, when I spoke of my first miscarriage (I haven't had much of a chance to speak of my second miscarriage or both) I often used the phrase "my baby". Don't you have to be a mother to have a baby? My babies aren't here in my arms, but they did at one time exist.

I'm not about to tell our server at the club that I am a mother, but maybe Mother's Day wouldn't be so hard for me if I thought of myself as a mother.

7 comments:

  1. If you feel like a mother - then you are. Hang in there girl. Mother's Day is hard for me for obvious different reasons, but I will be thinking of you on Sunday, too!

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  2. My best friend lost a baby and she shared your same thoughts. I say hands down, you are definitely a mother, your baby just isn't here with you. I'm praying for you and sending you lots of love this week and weekend.

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  3. I agree 100% with the above comments! will be thinking of you this weekend as well!

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  4. I think you can absolutely consider yourself a mother. And, if someone presents you with a flower, assuming you are, then you should accept as a mother-to-be. Because, really, isn't that what all of us who are ready to be mothers are?

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  5. I guess I think that if you feel like you are a mother, then you are! You carried a child, I don't think pushing one into the world is what defines the word.

    And what a lovely comment, Sara!

    Hugs to you this weekend, I'll be thinking about you! xoxo

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  6. I think you are a Mother, without a doubt! Motherhood is in your heart, not your arms :O)

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  7. Jackie, I'd love to catch up before you guys leave. To answer your question, I completely believe that you're a mother even though you lost your baby. I firmly believe that you'll be given the chance to meet that baby someday and to raise it as its mother, but I definitely understand your hesitance to call yourself a mother.

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