Yesterday my mom asked me if we'd like to go to brunch at the country club on Sunday since we'll still be in town. I said yes, not realizing that it is the Mother's Day brunch. (I've been a tad aloof lately. Perhaps it's my brain's way of protecting me...) Later this evening, once I figured out that it was the Mother's Day brunch, I started freaking out. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it right now. I've been to this brunch many times and I know what it entails. At the end of the meal, the servers bring flowers to all of the mothers at the table. It's a nice gesture...until you desperately want the flowers and you know you aren't getting any. Needless to say, I'm afraid I'm going to start crying and/or need to excuse myself.
As I sat thinking about the brunch all night, I tried analyzing what I'm so upset about. Yes, I'm grieving my losses, but I'm also upset that I'm not yet a mother when I know that I was supposed to be one sometime this week.
This brings up an interesting point that I saw mentioned on the Miscarriage Memories facebook page. Do you consider yourself a mother if you have miscarried? The majority of people that responded to the post said yes, it doesn't matter that your baby (or babies) died before birth, you're a mother if you have miscarried. My immediate thought is no, I'm not a mother. However, when I spoke of my first miscarriage (I haven't had much of a chance to speak of my second miscarriage or both) I often used the phrase "my baby". Don't you have to be a mother to have a baby? My babies aren't here in my arms, but they did at one time exist.
I'm not about to tell our server at the club that I am a mother, but maybe Mother's Day wouldn't be so hard for me if I thought of myself as a mother.
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15 hours ago
If you feel like a mother - then you are. Hang in there girl. Mother's Day is hard for me for obvious different reasons, but I will be thinking of you on Sunday, too!
ReplyDeleteMy best friend lost a baby and she shared your same thoughts. I say hands down, you are definitely a mother, your baby just isn't here with you. I'm praying for you and sending you lots of love this week and weekend.
ReplyDeleteI agree 100% with the above comments! will be thinking of you this weekend as well!
ReplyDeleteI think you can absolutely consider yourself a mother. And, if someone presents you with a flower, assuming you are, then you should accept as a mother-to-be. Because, really, isn't that what all of us who are ready to be mothers are?
ReplyDeleteI guess I think that if you feel like you are a mother, then you are! You carried a child, I don't think pushing one into the world is what defines the word.
ReplyDeleteAnd what a lovely comment, Sara!
Hugs to you this weekend, I'll be thinking about you! xoxo
I think you are a Mother, without a doubt! Motherhood is in your heart, not your arms :O)
ReplyDeleteJackie, I'd love to catch up before you guys leave. To answer your question, I completely believe that you're a mother even though you lost your baby. I firmly believe that you'll be given the chance to meet that baby someday and to raise it as its mother, but I definitely understand your hesitance to call yourself a mother.
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