Friday, April 29, 2011

It happened again.

I miscarried this morning.

I didn't even know I was pregnant this time. We weren't trying, but we weren't being careful either. I took a HPT two weeks ago since I thought there was a chance I might be pregnant, but it was negative, and I got what I thought was my period a couple days later. Then my parents came to visit, we got distracted by everything with the new house, and I got emotionally wrapped up in my first miscarriage. I never gave being pregnant a second thought.

This morning, when I realized that what I was experiencing seemed suspiciously like a miscarriage, I took another pregnancy test and it was positive. I then proceeded to have a mental breakdown because I was shocked, confused, and overcome with grief. Once I calmed down, we called my doctor and told her what was happening. We all knew it wasn't looking good, so she told us to go to the ER to have everything checked out. They confirmed my suspicions. I was six weeks pregnant and was miscarrying.

It all happened so fast. I woke up super early to watch the Royal Wedding and had a pretty normal morning until I went to get in the shower. The next thing I know, I am sitting in the same perinatal office where I found out I was going to miscarry the first time. I hate that place. I am never going back there ever.

Everything is very different this time around. I didn't have a chance to get attached to the idea of being pregnant, having a baby, etc. I am sad and upset, but I am mostly overcome with anxiety because there is a greater possibility that there is something "wrong" with one or both of us. Hopefully we can now get some testing done and figure out what to do next.

In the mean time, this sucks.

25 comments:

  1. I am so sorry. I really am. The same thing happened to us. Please know a lot of women miscarry several times before carrying a baby to term!

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  2. I am so sorry to hear that. Have you read taking charge of your fertility? Apparently there is some information in there regarding why people might miscarry several times. Thinking of you.

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  3. I am very very very sorry. Please let me know if I can do anything.

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  4. I'm so sorry, Jackie :( My thoughts & prayers with you and your husband.

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  5. thoughts and prayers are with you! so sorry to hear

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  6. I am heartbroken over this news. Thinking of you and your husband.

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  7. I am so sorry Jackie. I hope all of the tests come out clean and you will get your baby soon! Thinking and praying for you!

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  8. I'm so sorry! Praying for you both.

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  9. Oh I'm so so sorry. I hope that you are able to get some answers soon.

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  10. oh no. when it rains, it really pours...doesn't it? keeping you and aj in my prayers. i'm so sorry this happened to you.

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  11. Prayer for answers soon! It's a hard time though! I'm so sorry for you and your man!

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  12. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I am here for you if you need to talk or vent or anything.

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  13. Oh, Jackie, I was just thinking the other day about you and praying that you would be pregnant soon. Then this? I am so sad and hurting for both of you. I would also recommend Taking Charge of Your Fertility for a lot of good information and I hope that any testing you decide to do will come back totally normal. I have a friend who miscarried seven times prior to having her first and she now has two healthy, normal babies that were conceived without any intervention. I know you don't want to hear that and I know it doesn't help your emotions, but I want you to know that there are others out there. Again, really I'm just so sorry for both of you and I'll send up some prayers!!

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  14. Jackie, I hate hate hate that you are going through this again, and I hope that your doctor can help find some answers. I have ALSO read Taking Charge of your Fertility and it is some super interesting reading ... but yeah. Mostly I just want to send a hug and anything else I can do to make you feel better. xxoo

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  15. Oh, my goodness, we were just tweeting about the Royal Wedding this morning! I am so sorry that started happening. I'm praying for you as you deal with this loss and I truly hope you will learn what's causing these problems soon.

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  16. I agree, it sucks! I know there are no words to make it better, but I hope you will be comforted by getting some answers. Thinking of you...

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  17. I am sorry, my heart goes out to you and I can't imagine your loss but know that my thoughts are with you. The blog world is pretty powerful when it comes to prayer and it seems that we're all praying for you.

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  18. Awww, I am so sorry to hear that it happened again! I have never been able to get pregnant, I know the feeling. God has a plan for everyone!

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  19. I am so so sorry to hear this! My heart goes out to you and your hubs. I am praying that you can find out what is causing the miscarriages. Much love and strength for you and your family!

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  20. I was so sorry to see this on twitter the other day. I've been praying for you. I hope that your doctor'swill be able to set you guys up with whatever is necessary to get some answers. And, don't lose your hope and your faith. Like some others have said, manymanymany women miscarry more than once and then have a beautiful, healthy baby. My prayer is that you will be that woman. xoxo.

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  21. I saw your tweets the other day but never had a chance to say anything... just wanted you to know I've been thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers.

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  22. I am so sorry to hear this. I hope and pray that you all will get some answers very soon.

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  23. I am so so so sorry, sweetie. I am praying for you all, I know this has to be really hard.

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  24. Jackie...I read this on my phone the other day and I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking and praying for you so much. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through...but please know that you ARE a mom.

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