It happened again.

I miscarried this morning.

I didn't even know I was pregnant this time. We weren't trying, but we weren't being careful either. I took a HPT two weeks ago since I thought there was a chance I might be pregnant, but it was negative, and I got what I thought was my period a couple days later. Then my parents came to visit, we got distracted by everything with the new house, and I got emotionally wrapped up in my first miscarriage. I never gave being pregnant a second thought.

This morning, when I realized that what I was experiencing seemed suspiciously like a miscarriage, I took another pregnancy test and it was positive. I then proceeded to have a mental breakdown because I was shocked, confused, and overcome with grief. Once I calmed down, we called my doctor and told her what was happening. We all knew it wasn't looking good, so she told us to go to the ER to have everything checked out. They confirmed my suspicions. I was six weeks pregnant and was miscarrying.

It all happened so fast. I woke up super early to watch the Royal Wedding and had a pretty normal morning until I went to get in the shower. The next thing I know, I am sitting in the same perinatal office where I found out I was going to miscarry the first time. I hate that place. I am never going back there ever.

Everything is very different this time around. I didn't have a chance to get attached to the idea of being pregnant, having a baby, etc. I am sad and upset, but I am mostly overcome with anxiety because there is a greater possibility that there is something "wrong" with one or both of us. Hopefully we can now get some testing done and figure out what to do next.

In the mean time, this sucks.