It happened again.

I miscarried this morning.

I didn't even know I was pregnant this time. We weren't trying, but we weren't being careful either. I took a HPT two weeks ago since I thought there was a chance I might be pregnant, but it was negative, and I got what I thought was my period a couple days later. Then my parents came to visit, we got distracted by everything with the new house, and I got emotionally wrapped up in my first miscarriage. I never gave being pregnant a second thought.

This morning, when I realized that what I was experiencing seemed suspiciously like a miscarriage, I took another pregnancy test and it was positive. I then proceeded to have a mental breakdown because I was shocked, confused, and overcome with grief. Once I calmed down, we called my doctor and told her what was happening. We all knew it wasn't looking good, so she told us to go to the ER to have everything checked out. They confirmed my suspicions. I was six weeks pregnant and was miscarrying.

It all happened so fast. I woke up super early to watch the Royal Wedding and had a pretty normal morning until I went to get in the shower. The next thing I know, I am sitting in the same perinatal office where I found out I was going to miscarry the first time. I hate that place. I am never going back there ever.

Everything is very different this time around. I didn't have a chance to get attached to the idea of being pregnant, having a baby, etc. I am sad and upset, but I am mostly overcome with anxiety because there is a greater possibility that there is something "wrong" with one or both of us. Hopefully we can now get some testing done and figure out what to do next.

In the mean time, this sucks.

Feeling Better

Thank you all for your kind words yesterday. I am feeling much better today and am hopeful that I'll experience a good balance of grief and acceptance these next two weeks. I don't want to wallow in sorrow, but I also don't want to completely disregard my feelings. I'm just praying I don't have any more meltdowns!

On a happier note, our land survey was completed today so we should be able to officially schedule our closing! I got really excited last night and started packing a bin with all the stuff we will need to stay in the house next weekend. A set of sheets, towels, and cleaning supplies are ready to go! We aren't moving out of out current place until the end of May, so we bought an air mattress to sleep on for the few days we are in NY. We also hope that our sectional will be ready and that it can be delivered while we are up there. If not, we'll survive, but it would be great if we had something to sit on!

In other exciting news, my NY certification finally went through! There still aren't any jobs in any of the school districts surrounding our new town (with the exception of a .4 position), but hopefully something will pop up by August. At least I can now be seriously considered without any caveats! I did apply to the .4 position though. If I was offered the position I would take it, but I'd obviously prefer a full time job.

Ahh, life. Why must everything always be completed? I'm just trying to remind myself that everything happens for a reason and it will all work out in the end. Wise (and cheesy) words to live by.

Talk about a 180

All the happiness I felt yesterday has gone flying out the window. It is only noon and I already want to go home, crawl into bed, and cry. Nothing particularly awful has happened, but a bunch of little things have...

I forgot my keys to my office, then I couldn't even use my office because another person was in there testing kids, then I got a rejection email for a job I really wanted, then I found out I have a meeting this afternoon that I was not notified about, and then I dropped an m&m on my white jeans. Why is it so hard holding in tears at work? Ugh.

I have been feeling especially sensitive the last couple days. I think it is because my due date is next week and I can't help but be emotional about everything again. I was hoping that the pending closing and excitement of buying a house would overshadow my due date, but in reality it is just giving me another thing to stress about. I know it is normal to experience grief again, but I still don't like it. Grumble, grumble.

Happy Monday!

Happy Monday, friends! There is nothing like a day off to make a Monday more enjoyable.

Spring break ended up being pretty busy, so I am very happy that I have an extra day off today. I had to work Monday through Thursday to get a few non-instructional days in, so it really has been more of a spring break long weekend than a true spring break. Better than nothing though! My mom came down last Monday to help us start packing and then my dad flew down on Friday, so we have had a full house for what seems like forever. I love my parents, but it is tough hosting people for an extended period of time. I can't wait until we live in the same town so that we can see them more frequently for shorter periods of time.

This weekend we celebrated AJ finishing law school. He had his last final on Friday afternoon! I can't believe law school is over...it hasn't really sunken in yet. These three years were stressful for both of us, but we survived. I am so proud of him for not only doing well in school, but also for finding a great home/school/work balance. I never really felt like a law school widow and I am so grateful for that! Now the countdown to the bar begins. Ahhhhhh!

DIY Kitchen Cabinet Makeover?

Besides painting, the other big project we want to take on in our new house is the kitchen. The cabinets are nice quality, but the two toned wood just doesn't work for me. The gold hardware also has to go, but that is an easy fix.


We were thinking about stripping, sanding, and painting or re-staining the cabinets, but then I stumbled across Rust-Oleum Cabinet Transformations, which requires no stripping, sanding, or priming. Has anyone used this product? It sounds like a great way to go about changing your cabinets without spending a ton of money on replacing them. It also seems easier than figuring out how to do the whole painting/staining process on our own.

We want to make the cabinets darker. These are the two colors we like:


We are planning to glaze everything, so the colors really aren't that different in terms of darkness. However, Espresso seems to have more red undertones than Kona.

The Rust-Oleum website has a virtual tool that allows you to change the cabinet colors and countertop colors (they also have a DIY kit for that), so I tried the two cabinet colors with the countertop color that is closest to our countertops.


We are obviously more inclined to choose Kona because that is our dog's name. That is a good way to choose your cabinet color, right??

Our first new piece for the house!

This past weekend we were back in NY. I had an interview at a non-profit on Friday, so we stayed for the weekend and tried to get some things done before the big move. The weekend was jam packed with activities....most notably furniture shopping!

We spent quite a bit of time roaming around the furniture store contemplating formal versus casual furniture. In the end we decided to go with something casual and comfortable because it fits the house style and our personalities. We chose this sectional (but decided against the ginormous ottoman):


In this darker brown color:


You can't really tell how dark the fabric is in this picture, but it really is a lot darker than the fabric on the sectional. Because we ordered a different color and are having the chaise and love seat parts reversed, it will take a few weeks to get it delivered, which actually works out perfectly with our closing and moving date. Yay! Now we need to choose a coffee table and end tables, as well as paint colors and an accent chair. I also plan to jazz up the sectional with patterned pillows and a blanket or two. Color suggestions?