Scaredy Cat

My parents came to DC last Wednesday to help us pack up and move to our new place. They left yesterday and I would be lying if I said I was sad to see them go. I hate to sound mean and inconsiderate, but they were staying with us and after 7 days with my mom I was going insane. I love her to death and I am so appreciative of everything her and my dad did for us during this difficult transition, but I was ready for things to get back to normal.

Well, now I am eating my words. Last night was the first night in our place with just the three of us, and I was up the entire night worrying about someone breaking into our house. I don't know what it was about having my parents and their dog in the next room the previous nights, but it made me feel safe and I had no trouble sleeping. I hate to write this, because it sounds like I don't feel safe with my husband and dog, because I do. I know that my husband would be up in a second if something actually happened and that our dog would freak out if she heard something serious. It's just that our new house is old, so big, and is in a pretty quiet neighborhood, so I hear EVERY little creak and crack, yet don't think I could hear if someone was in the back of the house because it is so far away. Our old place was much, much smaller, and I felt confident that I could hear if someone was trying to break in. Also, we had bars on all our windows and had a double entrance; one into the building and one into our apartment. Our new place is basically the exact opposite.

We do, however, have an alarm system, but we don't have a land line yet, so it doesn't work properly. After lying in bed for an hour last night, I decided we had to turn on the alarm system, just in case. It appeared to arm fine, but then a little while later it started beeping and I about had a heart attack. Once we checked the house to see that no windows or doors had been opened, we finally realized it was an alert that the system wasn't functioning properly because it is not connected to a phone line. We turned it off and went back to bed, but instead of sleeping I stayed up reading blogs and watching TV because I was feeling so anxious.

Today I am exhausted because I didn't fall asleep until 5:30, when it finally started to get light out. I have always struggled with night time and being afraid of the dark and intruders, but last night was crippling. I felt short of breath and had the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach.

It doesn't help that I watched Captured, NCIS, CSI, and Law & Order yesterday. When we first moved to DC, AJ implemented a no crime show policy to help curb my fears. It definitely helped, so it looks like this policy is back in action. Also, I like being informed about what is happening in the neighborhood, but maybe reading all the blogs that report every crime ever committed is making me a little too anxious.

And I am fully aware that we chose to live in a city, we knew what we were getting into with the house/neighborhood, crime does exist, yada yada yada..... I did not, however, think I would react so negatively and now must find a way to handle this.

Sorry if this is jumbled and incoherent. I just wanted to get it off my chest and maybe see if anyone else deals with something similar.

We are getting the land line installed Monday and then we can use the alarm system properly. Hopefully that will help me relax and sleep, because I cannot be dealing with insomnia and anxiety once I start working full time again. This is really hard for me to admit because I have always felt that someone who works with people that have psychological issues SHOULD NOT have their own issues. I know that this is flawed thinking, but I can't help but feel like a fraud/failure.

Sigh....