Friday, August 7, 2009

Scaredy Cat

My parents came to DC last Wednesday to help us pack up and move to our new place. They left yesterday and I would be lying if I said I was sad to see them go. I hate to sound mean and inconsiderate, but they were staying with us and after 7 days with my mom I was going insane. I love her to death and I am so appreciative of everything her and my dad did for us during this difficult transition, but I was ready for things to get back to normal.

Well, now I am eating my words. Last night was the first night in our place with just the three of us, and I was up the entire night worrying about someone breaking into our house. I don't know what it was about having my parents and their dog in the next room the previous nights, but it made me feel safe and I had no trouble sleeping. I hate to write this, because it sounds like I don't feel safe with my husband and dog, because I do. I know that my husband would be up in a second if something actually happened and that our dog would freak out if she heard something serious. It's just that our new house is old, so big, and is in a pretty quiet neighborhood, so I hear EVERY little creak and crack, yet don't think I could hear if someone was in the back of the house because it is so far away. Our old place was much, much smaller, and I felt confident that I could hear if someone was trying to break in. Also, we had bars on all our windows and had a double entrance; one into the building and one into our apartment. Our new place is basically the exact opposite.

We do, however, have an alarm system, but we don't have a land line yet, so it doesn't work properly. After lying in bed for an hour last night, I decided we had to turn on the alarm system, just in case. It appeared to arm fine, but then a little while later it started beeping and I about had a heart attack. Once we checked the house to see that no windows or doors had been opened, we finally realized it was an alert that the system wasn't functioning properly because it is not connected to a phone line. We turned it off and went back to bed, but instead of sleeping I stayed up reading blogs and watching TV because I was feeling so anxious.

Today I am exhausted because I didn't fall asleep until 5:30, when it finally started to get light out. I have always struggled with night time and being afraid of the dark and intruders, but last night was crippling. I felt short of breath and had the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach.

It doesn't help that I watched Captured, NCIS, CSI, and Law & Order yesterday. When we first moved to DC, AJ implemented a no crime show policy to help curb my fears. It definitely helped, so it looks like this policy is back in action. Also, I like being informed about what is happening in the neighborhood, but maybe reading all the blogs that report every crime ever committed is making me a little too anxious.

And I am fully aware that we chose to live in a city, we knew what we were getting into with the house/neighborhood, crime does exist, yada yada yada..... I did not, however, think I would react so negatively and now must find a way to handle this.

Sorry if this is jumbled and incoherent. I just wanted to get it off my chest and maybe see if anyone else deals with something similar.

We are getting the land line installed Monday and then we can use the alarm system properly. Hopefully that will help me relax and sleep, because I cannot be dealing with insomnia and anxiety once I start working full time again. This is really hard for me to admit because I have always felt that someone who works with people that have psychological issues SHOULD NOT have their own issues. I know that this is flawed thinking, but I can't help but feel like a fraud/failure.

Sigh....

17 comments:

  1. It always takes me a while to feel safe and comfortable in a new place, no matter how great the area is. I hope your new place will feel like "home" soon enough!

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  2. I think it is normal to feel that way, especially in a new place! I still sometimes get a bit nervous when I am at Steve's, and he has been there almost a year!

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  3. I live in an apartment alone right now, and I go through the same things at night! I just can't WAIT to move in with boyfriend in a few weeks. Not to mention I live in Providence for the time being, which is not the best city in the world. Just remember you have your husband & dog there to protect you. Just remember how exaggerated house intruder-themed TV shows and movies are, compared to how often something like that actually happens. You will be okay, especially once the alarm is installed & working properly!

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  4. Hey love,

    I do have very similar issues especially in a new place. There is something so nice about having your parents around. I think you will get used to your new (and fab) place soon. You'll get used to the noises and differences from your old place. Hang in there and get the land lined installed soon! xoxo

    J

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  5. Before I lived with my Future Hubs, I could sleep anytime any where and like a rock. Now that I am out of my childhood home and in to an apartment I wake up with every creak, every rustle. The fear has subsided a bit, It took sometime but now that I am more familar with my neighbors, and the place itself, I can say that loud noise was the furance. My Fiance does work nights sometimes so I do sleep with the door locked, not the best idea I know, but you need to do whatever you can to feel safe in your home.

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  6. i hate hate haaate that my husband works from 3pm to 3am, because i have to be alone at night. i double and triple check every window and door to make sure they're locked. i'm convinced that people watch me go to the apt by myself everyday...creepy.

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  7. I'm sure that part of this is just readjusting to a new home. I always kind of freak out a bit whenever I move, and it takes me a while before I feel settled. Once I do, I'm golden... but I don't sleep as well either until I've gotten a bit more comfortable in the new place.

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  8. I sometimes feel that way and I live at home with my parents!! Sometimes I beg them to get an alarm system-- this too shall pass. Quite frankly, I think having these types of reactions can only make you better at your job and definitely NOT a failure or a fraud!

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  9. oh sweetie, i am afraid of the dark/intruders also, but i live in the exact opposite surroundings. we live in the middle of 130 acres in the middle of NO WHERE with animals galore.

    if we come home after dark i literally have to run from the vehicle to the house. my husband makes fun of me daily.

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  10. i learned my lesson about watching Law & Order a while back... i just can't watch it anymore, it definitely freaks one out.
    i jump at every little creak too, it used to drive me nuts that the tv stand downstairs creaked EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! at least M was here and i didn't worry too much because he's well armed. but these days it's JUST ME... and a for sale sign out front, and it scares hte bejesus out of me! at least you have a dog... i feel like that offers some level of extra protection.
    just keep looking forward to that landline : )

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  11. I love my mom more than anything, but I can totally feel you on the parent thing. They can be a little exhausting. Enjoy your new place, good luck getting all settled in.

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  12. Ditto with my mom...she's just completed wk 1 of 2 visiting at our cottage and she makes me CRAZY !!!

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  13. some of my worst decisions ever involved watching marathon's of Law and Order: SVU and then sleeping alone in my apartment. those were some long nights :)

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  14. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't laugh, but I totally started to giggle when you said you felt all creeped out after watching all those crime shows! I am totally the same way. The worst part is that I could watch SOLELY crime shows and be perfectly happy. Give me SVU any day and I'll be happy. Until I have to go to sleep.

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  15. Getting used to a new place is hard - whether it's in the city or anywhere else. I scare the crap out of myself with similar shows - I never really thought about cutting them out, but it seems like AJ has a good idea. I think you will feel a lot better once the alarm system is installed. Try to get in the habit of keeping it on all the time instead of just using it at night. I promise you'll feel a lot safer.

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  16. Aw new house anxieties. I hope you get some peace of mind soon!

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  17. My house is old and creaky too. I used to get so scared. You'll get used to it.

    I am the same with crime shows-I am addicted but then freak myself out! I try to read something light or listen to music before i go to bed-otherwise I just can't give up the shows!

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