Tuesday, October 18, 2011

One year ago

One year ago I had my first miscarriage. It feels like it was just yesterday, but then looking back on all that has happened in the last year....it feels like it happened so long ago. The more that I think about it, it definitely feels like forever ago.

I'm not really sure how I feel today. It's kind of a blah feeling. Like, this sucks. I lost my first baby a year ago and I still don't have one. I'm a little sad, angry, and jealous too....but mostly just blah. I haven't cried, but I feel like I could if I let myself wallow. I don't want to though. I want to stop being so damn negative.

So in honor of my baby, I will lift my head up and smile because that's what I need on this day. A little happiness.

9 comments:

  1. Hugs to you. I keep reading more and more posts like this. It happened to me in June. I never blogged about it. I probably will someday. Hopefully once I do have a baby of my own. I get angry and jealous anytime I read another blogger's joy and happiness about getting pregnant. Mostly jealous. Thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Big, big hugs.

    The dear friends of ours who just had a baby girl after five years of trying and two third-trimester miscarriages recently said that it was all worth it in the end, and that she doesn't regret the losses anymore, because it makes her love her new daughter so much more after all she has been through.

    I really hope you can say the same thing someday -- that all the pain is just a distant memory and worth it in the end.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thinking of you and hoping that you and your husband continue to find strength and peace.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thinking of you, Jackie. I can't believe it's been a year already. You've shown incredible strength, & I have faith that you & your husband will see the family you dream of one of these days soon. <3

    ReplyDelete
  5. Super sorry Jackie!!! I've been thinking of you and am hoping for good news from you soon!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Nice posts, i’m very like it. It’s very helpfull.
    KEEP SPIRIT BLOGGING !

    ReplyDelete