Monday, April 13, 2009

Rachel Zoe and My Marriage

Friday night we went to Arlington to see our wedding band play at RiRa, and as always, they rocked! They are such an amazing band and I am so happy to support them as they make the transition from cover band to tHE.DESIGN. If you are in North or South Carolina check their schedule to see if they are coming to a bar/venue near you! I believe this was their first trip north, and hopefully they will trek up here again and continue to get lots of exposure!

A late night out Friday combined with a rainy Saturday resulted in a lazy day on the couch. During my veg fest, I somehow got sucked into watching The Rachel Zoe Project marathon on Bravo. Throughout the bajillion episodes I watched, Rachel commented at least once per episode about how she put her work first and her time with her husband was limited. He also commented multiple times about how he never got to see his wife. I cannot imagine living like that, but I am also not a famous stylist that is building a brand and jet setting from NY to LA all the time.

However, even with Alson being in law school, we try to put our marriage ahead of everything. Some of the best advice he received was from a mentor while working at the firm in North Carolina: Treat law school like a full time job. He gets up early, studies before school, goes to all his classes (which for me is a given, but apparently for a lot of people, it is not), studies between classes instead of socializing and goofing around, and studies after class until dinner time. This gives us plenty of time together in the evening, and also allows him to time to decompress and gather strength and brain power for the next day. On the weekends he also gets up early and studies while I catch an extra couple hours of sleep. Throughout the day he continues to study, but we still spend a few hours together.

Now, finals time is a different story. If we can just have dinner together I will be happy.

I am not saying this particular schedule will work for everyone; the point is that spending time together is important to both of us and we work it into his daily schedule. Seeing a couple on TV struggle with this really opened my eyes to how lucky I am. Not that I am in any position to give Rachel Zoe advice, but it seems like they need to schedule in some QT every now and then. However, they HAVE been married 10 years, so what do I know?

Another thing that struck me was watching Rachel and her husband fight. Obviously all couples fight, but something about watching a real couple fight was informative (and yes, I know some people are skeptical about the authenticity of reality shows). I found myself thinking, I would say that or I would do that or I would do this differently, and I think it helped me to realize how I fight. I have been known to say things I don't mean, just to get a rise or reaction out of Alson. Not nice and I'm not proud. I am really trying hard to not do this anymore, and watching this couple fight and seeing both their perspectives (another thing I have trouble doing) I think was helpful.

Is that weird? I don't know what it was about them that I found relatable, but it was something! Have you seen a couple on TV or in real life fight that hit home? What, if anything, have you learned about your relationship from TV?


  1. It's interesting how we evaluate our own relationships when we watch others... sort of that outside-in perspective.

    I agree about consciously making time for one another. Really, loving is easy, but the relationship part takes work.

    Sidenote, I can't count how many times I've gotten sucked into marathons on Bravo.

  2. i've never seen this show... i watch enough reality tv already and probably shouldn't add another to the DVR.
    but i think it's fine to compare against other people. i do that with everything.

  3. I definitely learn from watching 'reality' tv before. As far as how I act in my relationship, I have learned that I have the tendency to make mountains out of molehills on occasion! Haha still working on that one...

  4. My favorite train-wreck show to watch is Wife's terrifying to watch, and fascinating all at the same time. And I learn all SORTS of things about myself & Handsome, my parents, my's crazy!


  5. I love rachel zoe, she's my favorite stylist. I think seeing other people's problems, however fake. In reality shows made us tougher.

  6. I stumbled upone your blog and am definitely going to have to read back to catch up! Both my boyfriend AND I are in law I feel your pain. During finals we're lucky to see each other in the morning and then before bed, and even then it's for a few minutes!

  7. I think it's great that you're learning new ways to communicate. Even from Rachel Zoe. I'm thinking you learn a bit more about what NOT to do from her :)

    Scripted or not, you can always learn something new. Sounds like you two have a wonderful marriage and that you prioritize your time really well.

    Thanks for the sweet comment on my blog (the design girl). :)

    Check back soon. I'll hold another giveaway at some point in the next month.

  8. i LOVE the Rachel Zoe project.... its Bananas! LOL

  9. I've never watched the show, but have learned a lot about relationships through television shows, that's for sure!

    Most recently I caught up on The Real World/Road Rules Challenge and was thankful for how sweet my fiance is when seeing how terrible CT treated his ex-gf. It is a perspective checker!

  10. The hubs jokes that he is grateful he is not in the country during my law school finals :) I also do the "full time job" mindset. I never study on weekends unless it is a necessity (like a paper due, etc.) nor do I in the afternoons/evenings. I like that time for myself, my marriage, my sanity!! You have to MAKE that time for each other, and not use your busyness as an excuse.

  11. i can't stand the way rachel zoe treats her husband sometimes! it's so totally opposite of anything I think a loving and supportive wife should be! I watched an episode where she planned their entire anniversary without one hint of input from her hubby. terrible terrible.

    ps i wanted to thank you for the advice on my blog regarding law school/moving to Philly. I'm seriously trying to just follow my heart on this one. It looks like that's what you and your husband did, and things look marvelous for the two of you. Congrats again!

  12. I, for one, LOVE that show. But I don't know why - I can't tell you the one thing that attracts me to it.

    But I do notice one thing when I'm watching TV...when I see a fight on a show I'll try to figure out whose side I'm on! :)

  13. I've never seen this show, and I wish Richie could do that. He would much rather study from 10-2 AM than studying in the morning. Oh well.

  14. We have a Ri Ra in my town as well! They are a fantastic place to go for Brunch!