Caroline's Birth Story

Caroline Grace was born on Friday, July 20th at 2:30 PM weighing 7 lbs, 13 oz and measuring 20.5 inches. The last three weeks have been a whirlwind, but I am finally starting to get the hang of everything and am ready to share C's birth story. So let's jump right in!

I went to see my OB at 39 and a half weeks (Tuesday) and was dilated to almost 3cm. I had been very slowly dilating for about two weeks and was getting more and more anxious about labor and delivery. At that appointment my blood pressure was high, which we knew was anxiety related and not preeclampsia. Given my history of pregnancy loss and the high blood pressure, my doctor suggested inducing. After talking with AJ, we planned to induce Thursday night or Friday morning. (Thursday night if I wasn't dilated to 4 and Friday morning if I dilated on my own) I went back to the doc on Thursday afternoon to get checked and was at a 4, so we planned to go in Friday morning at 7. My doctor told us to go out, have a nice dinner, and enjoy our last night sans baby. We did just that. 

At 3:30 in the morning I started having contractions, but they were anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes apart. By the time we got to the hospital at 7 for the induction, they still weren't any closer together or stronger, so my doc came in at 8:30 and broke my water and started me on pitocin. The contractions got strong fast, but I was still only up to 5cm. 9:30 - 11:00 were really challenging. Caroline was super low in my pelvis so I couldn't sit, use the birthing ball, or get comfortable....even between contractions. I finally decided I would go for the epidural because it appeared that I was "fighting" labor. I could not relax and would just tense when I had contractions, which is probably why I wasn't dilating further. I got the epidural shortly after 11 and the rest was a BREEZE. I dilated to 7cm in less than an hour (during which I napped) and then was fully dilated and ready to push at 2:10. I pushed for 20 minutes (!!!) and she was born at 2:30 PM. 

Pushing was very calm and way less stressful then I imagined. It is definitely hard work, but with the epidural it is doable. My nurse (who is one of my good friends) and my doctor were so even-keeled and didn't make it a hyped up or crazy thing. In fact, AJ and my doctor were watching the British Open between pushes! I only had superficial tears from pushing and felt pretty much back to normal by one week postpartum. 

Even though I was in early labor for a few days and active labor for a few hours without the epidural, it really was not bad and the end was so peaceful that I would not change it for anything. I was kind of anti-epidural going in, but I really could not handle the contractions and needed the numbness to let myself relax. 

So that's our birth story! 

It's funny because I was most anxious about laboring and delivering, but that is what ended up being the easy part. Breast feeding and taking care of a baby were the truly difficult things for me. I was a hormonal mess when we came home from the hospital. I cried about everything and felt so overwhelmed and unprepared. I couldn't eat or sleep, felt nauseous, and was just lost in my head. I definitely had a bad case of the Baby Blues. I don't want to scare any of you pregnant ladies out there, but just know if these things do happen to you, they are normal! The drop in hormones really do make you crazy. I finally feel like myself again, but it took 2-3 weeks to get here. I also called my doctor a few days after delivery and got a prescription for Zofran to help the nausea. I still struggled to eat and didn't have an appetite for about two weeks, but am now back to my normal, hungry self. Once I started feeling like myself again, I was better able to take care of Caroline and wasn't totally overwhelmed every time she cried. As for breast feeding... I'll have to write another post about this. Maybe once I feel like I have a handle on it. We are still a work in progress.

Due

Today is my due date!

I went to the doctor today and am being induced tomorrow, if I don't go into labor on my own tonight. My blood pressure has been high this week and given my RPL history, my doctor doesn't want me to be pregnant longer than necessary. I am pretty close to going into labor on my own, so hopefully I will just need a small nudge in the morning to get things really moving.

I can't believe the end is here!

Full Term

Thank you for all your comments, tweets, and emails. They helped me to get my head together and I am feeling much less anxious about labor and delivery. You all shared a lot of great strategies to help me manage my thoughts and fears both now and when I am in labor. I think I will be okay. Actually, I know I will be okay.

Our instructor shared this video with our child birth class on the last day, and if you haven't seen it...take a few minutes and watch it. It is so funny. One of the jokes....intellectuals go to child birth class to study things that people do naturally. Ha!

                                   

Today I am 37 weeks. Full term! I am still in awe that I have made it this far and can't believe that this baby can now come at any time. Our hospital bags are packed, everything is set in the nursery, we've got the car seat base in my car, the swing is taking up half our family room, and all her clothes are washed. I am hoping she makes her debut sooner, rather than later, but I have a feeling she's not in any hurry. Either way, we are ready!

Child birth fears

Just want to warn you that this isn't a warm fuzzy post...


Last night we had our first child birth class. It included an overview of the third trimester and how your body prepares for labor, as well as the low down on the three stages of labor. I left the class feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I was hoping that going to the class would make me feel less anxious because knowledge is power, but everything that I've gone through over the last two years is haunting me again. I came home from the class and lost it. Like, ugly cried.

I have two specific fears. The first is that my body won't be normal during labor. One of the things the nurse discussed last night was that your body was made for child birth and you don't need to worry about it because it'll happen (or you'll be induced) and your baby will be born and you'll forget all the pain and blah blah blah. But, I am just not sure I believe that. Everyone says your body is made for pregnancy too, and I know that it isn't that simple. There are millions of women that struggle with infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, but no one likes to talk about that stuff. What if my body doesn't know how to be in labor? What if something goes wrong? I have a great doctor and I am delivering at my dad's hospital so I know I will get great care, so if something does go wrong they will deal with it....but the crazy, hormonal, irrational part of me can't help but doubt my body after going through two miscarriages.

The second fear is the process of labor itself. I have been in (some degree of) labor before, and it did not end well. My first miscarriage was a missed miscarriage, so I had to choose between a D&C or taking medicine that would induce labor. I opted for the medicine because I didn't want a surgical procedure. I don't think I ever really blogged about that experience because it was so awful, but let me just say....if you are ever in that situation (which I hope you are not), go with the D&C. I took the medicine and some Tylenol PM around 9 o'clock that evening, because I was told that I would have the contractions while I slept, and would pass everything in the morning. That is not what happened.
I went to bed around 11 with some mild cramping. I tried falling asleep, but couldn't because the cramping turned into full on contractions. We tried a heating pad, different positions, massage, etc. but they kept getting stronger and stronger and nothing gave me relief. I was crying and screaming for AJ and my mom to take me to the hospital. They called the on-call OB, but they said it was all normal and that there really was nothing they could do at that point. Then came the chills and vomiting between contractions. Sometime around 3 in the morning, the contractions stopped. I fell asleep for about 30 minutes and then woke up because I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. That is when everything passed. It was so traumatic sitting there seeing all the tissue that included my first baby. I will never forget the devastation I felt in that moment.

My point in telling you this story is that this experience has scarred me. I am terrified of being in that kind of pain, and that pain is still associated with my first loss. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I know this experience will be different, but it is impossible not to have this memory creep up in my head every time I think of labor.

So...that is where my head is at right now. I have 6ish weeks to get my shit together so I am not a basketcase in the delivery room. Lord help me.

Maternity Pictures - Sneak Peek

This past weekend we had maternity pictures taken. Our photographer posted a couple sneak peeks on her facebook page and I wanted to share them here too. Wendy did such a fabulous job and I can't wait to see all of the pictures!

All photos from WLSissonPhotography © 2012

An update on the last few months

I am now in the home stretch! Here is an update on the last few months...

At the beginning of April we went on a babymoon to Clearwater Beach, Florida. After a hiccup at our first hotel, which we had bid on and won at a charity event auction, we settled into a nice resort and had a relaxing time. I am so glad we took one last pre-baby vacation and got some alone time with each other. The last time we took a nice trip on our own was our honeymoon....which was almost four years ago!

My aunts threw me a baby shower at the end of April. Our families and friends were very generous and we have just about everything we need for the baby!

At the beginning of May, my parents took us on an overnight getaway to Turning Stone Resort and Casino outside of Syracuse for my dad's birthday. We stayed at The Lodge, which was probably the nicest hotel I have ever been in. The rooms were huge and so luxurious. We all went to dinner at the Brazilian steakhouse and then spent some time in the casino that night. The next day the girls went to the spa and the boys played golf.

And on a less positive note.... This last week has been rough. I am starting to get really sore and am tired all the time again. I keep telling myself that I so badly wanted to be pregnant and should be grateful for making it this far, but sometimes having a pity party is easier. The second trimester honeymoon is definitely over. July can't come soon enough!

32 weeks

Another Blog Year

That last post of mine was post 400. I can't believe it. Especially since I have only posted every few months for the last year or so. I used to post almost daily! It's funny how life has changed so much since I first started this blog.

It's not that I don't have a lot to say anymore or that there aren't things to blog about. But, life is different these days. My job is very demanding and I can't post at work. We have a lot of things going on at night and on weekends. And when we don't have something going on, I am keeping up with the house, the laundry, grocery shopping, etc. Sometimes I sit and do nothing, except let my mind clear for a few minutes. I just don't make the time to sit down and write most days.

Nevertheless, I renewed my domain this week so I guess I'll be sticking around for another year. I might only post once or twice, or I might start posting more frequently once Baby M arrives. I know things will change once she's here (yes, she!!!) so we'll see where this little blog goes.

Half Baked

Just wanted to stop in to say hi and give everyone a 20 week update. Yep, I have made it to the halfway point of this pregnancy!

I am feeling great and have no major complaints. I sometimes wake up sore from sleeping on my side for too long and I get occasional heartburn, but that is about it. I'm definitely experiencing the 2nd trimester honeymoon.

We have tried to find out the sex of the baby twice now, and both times there was no cooperation. At 15 weeks the baby was breech and had its legs crossed. At 19 weeks the baby was still breech and had the cord between its legs. Gah! After the last try I was really disappointed, but I warmed up to the idea of waiting until birth to find out. Now that is our plan!

We had the anatomy scan last week and the doctor said everything looked good. I also started feeling movement last week and it provides me with SO much comfort and reassurance. It's also a little strange...but in a good way. Feeling movement has made the pregnancy feel real to me. There is really a little person in there!

I am slowly growing a bump! Here are some progression pictures:

11W1D, 13W5D, and 15W0D

16W5D, 17W4D, and 18W0D

18W6D, 19W1D, and 20W1D

We have started working on the nursery! We bought a crib last night, ordered a changing table that should be delivered next week, bought some Etsy prints and hung them on the wall, and ordered a glider/recliner, which should be delivered in 6-8 weeks. I also FINALLY was able to pull out the nursery bedding that I bought during my first pregnancy. We waffled about whether we wanted to sell it or use it, but in the end we decided we wanted to use it because we do not want to forget our angel babies or to pretend like my miscarriages never happened. Here is a picture of one of the prints that gives you an idea of what the nursery will look like:


I'll be back with more nursery pictures as soon as we get everything in place!

The Announcement

There is finally a good reason for my absence...

I'm pregnant! I hit 12 weeks today and have seen our baby six times (silver lining of recurrent pregnancy loss?) and felt ready to share our exciting news. I'm still anxious that something could go wrong, but I'm trying to stay positive and just trust that I will carry this baby to term. I'm not going to lie though...it is hard. Please pray, cross your fingers, sprinkle fairy dust, or whatever strikes your fancy that this is it!

Weekend Getaway

Last weekend we went down to the city for an overnight getaway. I bought tickets to the Rangers game because neither of us had ever been to Madison Square Garden and I thought it would be a fun little trip. It was an awesome game and the Rangers ended up scoring a bunch of times in the 3rd period to win the game.


The next morning we grabbed crepes and warm drinks from the mini stores in Bryant Park and had breakfast right in the middle of the city. It was a crisp, but beautiful morning.


I tried Nutella for the first time! OMG I can't believe I have been missing out for so long. I immediately bought a jar when we returned home.

We stopped at Woodbury Commons on the way home and we both picked up a few new things for our wardrobes. Definitely a great weekend!