An update on the last few months

I am now in the home stretch! Here is an update on the last few months...

At the beginning of April we went on a babymoon to Clearwater Beach, Florida. After a hiccup at our first hotel, which we had bid on and won at a charity event auction, we settled into a nice resort and had a relaxing time. I am so glad we took one last pre-baby vacation and got some alone time with each other. The last time we took a nice trip on our own was our honeymoon....which was almost four years ago!

My aunts threw me a baby shower at the end of April. Our families and friends were very generous and we have just about everything we need for the baby!

At the beginning of May, my parents took us on an overnight getaway to Turning Stone Resort and Casino outside of Syracuse for my dad's birthday. We stayed at The Lodge, which was probably the nicest hotel I have ever been in. The rooms were huge and so luxurious. We all went to dinner at the Brazilian steakhouse and then spent some time in the casino that night. The next day the girls went to the spa and the boys played golf.

And on a less positive note.... This last week has been rough. I am starting to get really sore and am tired all the time again. I keep telling myself that I so badly wanted to be pregnant and should be grateful for making it this far, but sometimes having a pity party is easier. The second trimester honeymoon is definitely over. July can't come soon enough!

32 weeks

Half Baked

Just wanted to stop in to say hi and give everyone a 20 week update. Yep, I have made it to the halfway point of this pregnancy!

I am feeling great and have no major complaints. I sometimes wake up sore from sleeping on my side for too long and I get occasional heartburn, but that is about it. I'm definitely experiencing the 2nd trimester honeymoon.

We have tried to find out the sex of the baby twice now, and both times there was no cooperation. At 15 weeks the baby was breech and had its legs crossed. At 19 weeks the baby was still breech and had the cord between its legs. Gah! After the last try I was really disappointed, but I warmed up to the idea of waiting until birth to find out. Now that is our plan!

We had the anatomy scan last week and the doctor said everything looked good. I also started feeling movement last week and it provides me with SO much comfort and reassurance. It's also a little strange...but in a good way. Feeling movement has made the pregnancy feel real to me. There is really a little person in there!

I am slowly growing a bump! Here are some progression pictures:

11W1D, 13W5D, and 15W0D

16W5D, 17W4D, and 18W0D

18W6D, 19W1D, and 20W1D

We have started working on the nursery! We bought a crib last night, ordered a changing table that should be delivered next week, bought some Etsy prints and hung them on the wall, and ordered a glider/recliner, which should be delivered in 6-8 weeks. I also FINALLY was able to pull out the nursery bedding that I bought during my first pregnancy. We waffled about whether we wanted to sell it or use it, but in the end we decided we wanted to use it because we do not want to forget our angel babies or to pretend like my miscarriages never happened. Here is a picture of one of the prints that gives you an idea of what the nursery will look like:


I'll be back with more nursery pictures as soon as we get everything in place!

The Announcement

There is finally a good reason for my absence...

I'm pregnant! I hit 12 weeks today and have seen our baby six times (silver lining of recurrent pregnancy loss?) and felt ready to share our exciting news. I'm still anxious that something could go wrong, but I'm trying to stay positive and just trust that I will carry this baby to term. I'm not going to lie though...it is hard. Please pray, cross your fingers, sprinkle fairy dust, or whatever strikes your fancy that this is it!

It happened again.

I miscarried this morning.

I didn't even know I was pregnant this time. We weren't trying, but we weren't being careful either. I took a HPT two weeks ago since I thought there was a chance I might be pregnant, but it was negative, and I got what I thought was my period a couple days later. Then my parents came to visit, we got distracted by everything with the new house, and I got emotionally wrapped up in my first miscarriage. I never gave being pregnant a second thought.

This morning, when I realized that what I was experiencing seemed suspiciously like a miscarriage, I took another pregnancy test and it was positive. I then proceeded to have a mental breakdown because I was shocked, confused, and overcome with grief. Once I calmed down, we called my doctor and told her what was happening. We all knew it wasn't looking good, so she told us to go to the ER to have everything checked out. They confirmed my suspicions. I was six weeks pregnant and was miscarrying.

It all happened so fast. I woke up super early to watch the Royal Wedding and had a pretty normal morning until I went to get in the shower. The next thing I know, I am sitting in the same perinatal office where I found out I was going to miscarry the first time. I hate that place. I am never going back there ever.

Everything is very different this time around. I didn't have a chance to get attached to the idea of being pregnant, having a baby, etc. I am sad and upset, but I am mostly overcome with anxiety because there is a greater possibility that there is something "wrong" with one or both of us. Hopefully we can now get some testing done and figure out what to do next.

In the mean time, this sucks.

Sad News

Today was supposed to be the day that I announced my pregnancy to all my blog and twitter friends. Instead I am here writing with a heavy heart and tears streaming down my face because I found out this morning that my pregnancy is no longer viable.

I have so much going through my head right now, that I don't even know where to begin. I guess I'll start with feelings. Devastation, sadness, anger, disappointment, and embarrassment are the first ones that come to mind. I'm also confused because we had two positive ultrasounds. One at 7 weeks and one at 8 weeks. Warning: the rest of this paragraph is TMI. I had my first ultrasound at 7 weeks because I was spotting and cramping and we ended up in the ER. I didn't get to see the sonogram at 7 weeks, but we were told that the baby was measuring on track and that there was a strong heartbeat. I stopped spotting a couple days later and when I had an ultrasound at my OB's office a week later, again, everything looked great. I started spotting on and off the next week and it continued for the rest of the pregnancy. Up until this weekend, the spotting had all been brown. As my doctor repeatedly told me, brown blood is old blood, and I shouldn't worry too much. On Saturday, I started spotting more heavily and the blood had a reddish tint. Still, I tried not to freak out. This morning, however, I knew something was wrong. I passed a small clot and there were gobs of dark red blood. I cried the entire time I was in the shower, but there was still a small part of me that thought the baby might be okay. After all, I had been spotting before both of my previous ultrasounds and everything was fine. We decided to go to my appointment this morning, which was in the perinatal center, not my OB's office, because I would be getting an ultrasound for the first trimester screening. As soon as the ultrasound began, I knew it was bad news. The fetus only measured 7 weeks, 6 days and there was no visible heartbeat. The rest of the morning is a blur. The director of the perinatal center came into the room to deliver the bad news because the on call doctor was dealing with an emergency in another part of the hospital. We were both already in tears at that point, but I guess she had to officially go over the results of the ultrasound. Then the doctor came in and told us the same thing. She also noted that the gestational sac was way too large for 11 weeks. I am not really sure what that means and at this point, I can't remember what she told me. The director then walked us upstairs to my OB's office and we were seen by one of the other OBs since mine wasn't there today. The doctor walked us through our options and did a quick internal exam to check my cervix. It was still closed, so she reported that the miscarriage probably wouldn't happen on its own at this time. I opted for the medicine that will induce the miscarriage instead of a D&C. I know it will be emotionally and physically painful, but I think it is the best option for me. We then left the hospital and headed home.

I don't really know where to go from here. We have already told our family and friends the sad news. Everyone has been loving and supportive, but there is only so much anyone can say. I guess I will pack up my pregnancy books, maternity clothes, and the baby stuff I bought. I will put it all in the back of my closet. Hopefully it will come out again soon, but I sure don't need to see any of it right now.